Punishing yourself can become a bully in your head that devastates your life and those of others. It destroys relationships – sometimes for life, and cripples the psyche. We may have experienced it in our family patterns and then practiced it for so long that we do not know another way. In response to this great need, I created the C.R.E.D.I.T. system, a simple 6-step alternative response, to help you get out of the rut of punishing yourself and/or others, to the high road of grace and effective, satisfying responses.

C.R.E.D.I.T. is a simple acronym you can apply today to help you or a loved one stop unproductive self-punishment in its tracks.

1. CONFRONT. This is a two-fold term. Its Latin roots paint a picture of coming head to head. It entails confessing or agreeing that the offending habit is indeed happening. This is the antithesis of denial.

• The first aspect is confession therefore, is to agree with or to be on the same page. It is mental assent of the correctness of a matter. It is a deep inner process of realization and agreement. It is pure and simple at its core and devoid of justification, explaining, blame, minimizing, and other such behaviors.
• Secondly, confront yourself and the habit every time it shows up, and confess it. To confess is to verbally profess, “I did that.”  You might also say it to someone else such as a friend, a priest, or God. This part is like dynamite to the structures of pretense that we erect for self-protection. This is a powerful act, not an invitation to a pity party. It is to be done with maturity and humility. It is an admission that you are human and that you desire to improve.

Keep confession simple and pure, “I did it.” Keep it void of blaming, explaining, minimizing, or justifying.

2. RENOUNCE. When I ran an adult care home, I cared for portly Mr. Meck. He wore adult diapers and passionately hated having them changed. He would get comfortable in those dirty briefs regardless of the stench. “It’s not that bad,” he would say. “Besides, I’m not done.

I’ll probably need to go again in a couple of hours.” Thanks to Meck, I now have the skills to be the head trainer of the FBI hostage negotiation department. Sadly, we too can get comfortable in the warm, stinky messes we create. It can seem like too much work to change, moreover, heaven knows we’re not done and are going to make yet another mess in no time.

Upon admitting or confessing to the presence of a behavior, the next step is to renounce it. To renounce is to reject or refuse. It too, entails mental and verbal aspects. It is to divorce yourself from the behavior instead of coddling or fostering it. It is to think and say, “This habit of lying isn’t serving me. I’m done with it,” or “I’m done trying to control people. That is not my place,” or “This is not a part of my identity and does not define. It holds no power over me.”

3. EMOTE. Allow yourself to feel the emotions. Feel and acknowledge the anger, the embarrassment, the guilt, the fear, the shame. Process them instead of suppressing or denying them. Processing hard emotions is crucial for mental and emotional well-being. When individuals acknowledge and work through difficult emotions such as grief, anger, or sadness, they can prevent these feelings from festering and causing long-term harm. Suppressing or ignoring hard emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even physical health issues. Allow yourself to experience and process these emotions so you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your experiences. This can lead to personal growth, improved relationships, and an overall sense of emotional resilience. Additionally, processing hard emotions can help individuals develop healthier coping mechanisms and problem-solving skills, enabling them to navigate future challenges more effectively.

Please join me on the next post to explore Part 2 of this system.