Be The Catalyst for Interpersonal Change:

Leading Yourself & Others from Resistance to Radical Renewal.

In our last post you learned that resistance to change is a natural human reaction to alterations in established ways of being; routines, processes, or environments. It can manifest in various ways, from subtle reluctance to overt opposition, and is a significant factor in the success or failure of personal growth, interpersonal relationships, and organizational change initiatives. Understanding the underlying causes of the resistance is crucial for effective change management.

RESISTANCE TO CHANGE IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Yesterday we looked at resistance to organizational change. Today we will explore resistance to change in interpersonal relationships. Similar factors may influence both arenas. Please review the factors from yesterday and contemplate their potential role in resistance to interpersonal change. In addition to those, here are 5 more specific reasons why the mule is not moving:

1. Lack of Trust: If a partner or colleague does not trust you as the individuals initiating the change, they are more likely to resist. Several things can cause this distrust including:
   • past negative experiences with others
   • past negative experiences with you
   • perceived ulterior motives
   • lack of confidence in your knowledge and credibility.
2. Poor Communication: Your ineffective or insufficient communication about the change can breed misunderstanding. The poor communication can take numerous forms, e.g.
   • a lack of transparency
   • lack of updates
   • infrequent updates
   • one-way communication (talking at people instead of with them)
   • violet outbursts
   • hinting instead of clearly stating what you are requesting.

3. 

   Lack of Consultation/Involvement: When others feel excluded from the decision-making process or the design of solutions, they are more likely to resist. People tend to support what they help build, and a lack of participation can lead to feelings of being unheard, threatened, or blindsided.

4. Lack of interest: This can be the hardest for us to accept. Sometimes people are not changing and instead are saying, “No thank you,” to our requests for change. Truth be told, they do not have to change at all. They have the prerogative to remain as they are. Even when it’s detrimental to them. They don’t have to take their medications. They don’t have to go to the doctor. They don’t have to exercise or stop doing drugs. They don’t have to get or keep a job. I’m not saying there are no consequences to these things. Just like us, they too have the right to choose to be “stupid” in our estimation.
5. It is not your place: God brought this to bear decades ago in my marriage with a passage that whacked me between the eyes like a baseball bat. I was bent on changing my husband or at least getting him to change in ways that I thought were very important and beneficial to him. He wasn’t having it. Not long after that, and oozing frustration and venom, I came across Romans 14:4:

Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall.

Whoa, horsie! Nothing stops you short like turning a sharp corner and running straight into Holy Spirit. But that wasn’t all. Look how the passage proceeds:

And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand. (emphasis mine)

That trait that I wanted so badly for Justin to change, guess what, the more important issue was that he is not my servant. He. Is. Not. My. Servant. I came face to face with my controlling self. I want you to visualize the CEO of the company you work for walking in and finding you spinning in his or her executive chair when you thought he or she was out of town. The way you would fumble and slink out of that office was what I did that day. I have never forgotten it. I just got told that I was not Justin’s God. Not that I was thinking or claiming to be. But his real God knew what was happening in some dark recess of my heart through my pious behavior and attempts to change him.

Next time we will wrap this section up by addressing resistance to individual change. We will then tackle my spectrum that I call the ‘Changeometer’, a tool outlining the 10 A’s of progression from resistance to radical renewal.

CTA:

1. Share what stands out to you in our post today.
2. Share which of these points may speak to a current issue you are facing in an interpersonal relationship.
3. Share how the 5th point strikes you.
4. What other reasons can you think of that aren’t included in this post and the previous one?
5. Share this post with 2 people and discuss it with them.